Romance Scams and Older Adults: Warning Signs and What to Do

A stranger messages you online. Within a few weeks, they say they love you. They always have a reason not to video call. Then, out of nowhere, they need money.

This is a romance scam, and it is one of the most costly and most misunderstood scams out there. It is not a story about someone being foolish. It is a story about a patient criminal running a well practiced script on a person who was simply open to meeting someone new.

This guide explains how romance scams actually unfold, the warning signs at each stage, and exactly what to do if you think it is happening to you or to someone you love. We also cover a fast growing version of this scam that mixes romance with fake cryptocurrency investing, often called “pig butchering.”

How do romance scams work?

Romance scams work by building a fake relationship over weeks or months, then using that trust to ask for money. The scammer is rarely a lone actor. Often it is a member of an organized fraud operation working from a script, sometimes managing several fake relationships with different victims at once.

Here is the pattern investigators see over and over:

1. The first contact. The scammer reaches out on a dating app, or messages you on Facebook, Instagram, or even by a “wrong number” text. The profile photo is usually stolen from a real person, often someone attractive in a uniform, on a boat, or in a business suit.
2. Fast, intense connection. They compliment you constantly and say they feel a rare connection. This moves much faster than a normal new relationship. It feels flattering, and that is the point.
3. A reason they cannot meet. They claim to be a US service member overseas, a doctor on a humanitarian mission, an engineer on an offshore oil rig, or a widow(er) traveling for work. There is always a reason a phone call would help and a video call somehow will not.
4. Moving off the platform. Within days, they ask to switch to email, texting, or a messaging app. This gets the conversation away from the dating site’s safety team, who might spot the scam and shut the account down.
5. The first small ask, or the big one. Some scammers ask for small “tests” first, like a gift card for a phone bill. Others wait for one large, dramatic crisis: a medical emergency, a customs fee to release a package or inheritance, bail money, or a stuck overseas flight.
6. Payment methods that cannot be reversed. They ask for wire transfers, gift card codes, cryptocurrency, or payment apps. These cannot be undone the way a stolen credit card charge can.
7. It does not stop at one payment. Once you pay once, there is usually another crisis. Some victims send money for months or years before realizing what is happening.

What are the warning signs of a romance scam?

The clearest warning sign is a partner who professes love quickly but always has an excuse to avoid meeting or video calling. No single sign proves a scam on its own, but two or three together are a serious red flag.

Watch for:

• Love very fast. Declarations of love or talk of marriage within days or a few weeks.
• No real-time video, ever. Excuses for a bad camera, poor internet connection, or a work rule against video calls.
• Cancelled meetings. A trip to visit you falls through again and again, always for a new reason.
• An overseas or hard-to-verify job. Military deployment, offshore oil work, international aid work, or a “contractor” who cannot say much about the job.
• Pressure to move off the dating app fast. They want your phone number, email, or WhatsApp within the first few messages.
• Money requests, dressed up as anything but a request. A medical bill, a stuck shipment, unpaid customs fees, a plane ticket, or “just this once, I will pay you back.”
• Unusual payment methods. Gift cards, wire transfers, payment apps, or cryptocurrency. A real partner never needs any of these from you.
• Isolation. They discourage you from telling friends or family about the relationship, or get upset when you mention it.
• A sudden investment tip. They mention they are doing well trading cryptocurrency and offer to show you how, often introducing point 6 below.

How common are romance scams, really?

Very common, and expensive. According to the FBI’s 2025 Internet Crime Report, Americans filed 23,159 complaints about confidence and romance fraud in 2025, with losses of more than 929 million dollars. Adults 60 and older accounted for about 584 million dollars of that total, well over half of all romance scam losses, even though they filed under half the complaints. That means older victims tend to lose far more money per case.

Separately, the FTC’s Consumer Sentinel data (covering the first nine months of 2025) put reported romance scam losses at 1.16 billion dollars from over 55,600 reports, a 22 percent increase over the same period the year before. The FTC also found that nearly 60 percent of people who lost money to a romance scam in 2025 said it started on a social media platform, not a dating app.

These numbers almost certainly understate the real total. Embarrassment keeps many victims from ever filing a report.

What is “pig butchering” and how is it different from a regular romance scam?

“Pig butchering” is a romance scam that ends in a fake cryptocurrency investment instead of, or in addition to, a personal crisis story. The blunt name comes from the idea of fattening up a victim with attention and small early wins before taking everything.

Here is how it typically plays out:

1. The relationship builds the same way as any romance scam: flattery, fast emotional connection, no video calls.
2. Instead of (or after) a crisis story, the new partner mentions they have been making impressive money trading cryptocurrency.
3. They offer to help you get started, and walk you through setting up an account, often on a professional-looking trading website or app that is entirely fake and controlled by the scammer.
4. Early on, the “investment” shows real gains right there on the screen. Some scammers even let a victim withdraw a small amount early, purely to build confidence for a much larger deposit later.
5. You are encouraged to invest more, sometimes borrowing money or moving retirement savings, sometimes coached on what to say to your bank so a large transfer does not raise flags.
6. When you eventually try to withdraw the full amount, the platform demands a “tax,” “fee,” or release code before it will pay out. The requests keep coming.
7. Eventually the website disappears, the partner goes silent, and the money is gone. Cryptocurrency payments cannot be reversed the way a bank transfer sometimes can.

The FBI’s San Antonio field office warned in February 2026 that criminals are increasingly using romance to move victims toward these fake cryptocurrency platforms, noting that in one Texas territory alone, victims over 50 accounted for nearly 19 million dollars of about 20.4 million dollars in reported losses.

What should I do if I think I am being scammed, or a parent might be?

If you recognize these signs in your own messages, or in a parent’s, act calmly and quickly.

If it is happening to you:

1. Stop replying. Do not explain why, just stop.
2. Do not send any more money, gift cards, or crypto, even to “test” whether they are real.
3. Save everything: messages, photos, payment records, and the dating profile or account link, before you block them. This helps any investigation.
4. If you already sent money, contact your bank, card company, or the gift card or crypto platform immediately. Ask specifically about reversing or freezing the transaction. Speed matters.
5. Report it (see below).
6. Tell someone you trust. This is not something to be ashamed of.

If you suspect it is happening to a parent or older relative:

1. Bring it up gently and without judgment. Try: “I saw you’ve been talking to someone new online, tell me about them.” Interrogating or mocking the relationship pushes people to hide it and defend the scammer instead.
2. Ask to see the profile and a few messages together, without taking over the phone or accusing them.
3. Suggest a joint video call “just to say hi.” A real partner will happily agree. A scammer will stall.
4. If money has already moved, help them contact the bank the same day. Every hour matters for wire transfers and some crypto transactions.
5. Loop in other family members for support rather than confronting the parent alone.

For a script you can adapt for exactly this conversation, see our guide on helping a parent with their phone remotely and our piece on talking through scam concerns as a family, which covers how to agree on a safe way to check in during any suspicious request for money.

Where do I report a romance scam?

Reporting will not always get your money back, but it helps investigators track these networks and can support a bank’s fraud team if you also contact them.

Also report the fake profile directly to the dating app or social media platform, so it can be removed before it reaches someone else.

For more on general reporting steps, see our article on where to report a scam. If the scam arrived through a suspicious link rather than a dating profile, our guide on what to do after clicking a scam link covers those next steps too.

Frequently overlooked: romance scams and loneliness

Scammers deliberately target people going through a life change: widowhood, divorce, retirement, or simply living alone after children move out. This is not a character flaw. It is exactly why these scams are effective against smart, capable people of every age.

If loneliness is part of what makes these approaches appealing, it is worth looking at safer ways to stay socially connected. We have written about AI companion apps and whether they are safe for lonely older adults, which covers a different but related risk worth understanding. And staying in easy video contact with real family, using tools covered in our guide to video calling grandkids, can reduce the isolation that scammers rely on.

Where to go from here

Romance scams work because they are patient, personal, and built on real emotional needs. Knowing the pattern, especially the reluctance to video call and the eventual money request, is the best defense.

Our book Scam-Proof walks through romance scams and dozens of other current scams in the same plain, step-by-step style as this article, with scripts for exactly what to say when something feels off. You can also try a realistic romance scam scenario yourself in our free Scam simulators, or get our Scam-Stopper Kit (free when you join our email letter), which includes a family safe-word sheet for exactly these situations.