A stranger messages you on a dating app. The profile photo is striking. The conversation is easy, and it moves fast. Within a few days, they tell you they have never felt a connection like this before.
That feeling is exactly what a romance scammer is counting on. Dating apps and dating websites are one of the places scammers use most often to find people, and the tactics tend to follow the same pattern every time.
This guide covers the four warning signs that show up again and again on dating apps specifically, so you know what to watch for while you are still messaging, well before anyone asks you for money. If you want the bigger picture on romance scams generally, our earlier guide on romance scams and older adults is a good companion piece.
What Are the Warning Signs of a Romance Scam on a Dating App?
The four biggest dating app romance scam warning signs are a too-good-to-be-true profile, an “I love you” that arrives within days, a pattern of excuses to avoid video calls, and, eventually, a request for money. No single one of these proves someone is a scammer. But when two or more show up with a person you have never met in person, treat it as a serious warning and slow down.
Here is what each one looks like in practice, and what to do about it.
Red Flag 1: A Profile That Looks Too Good to Be True
Scammers often use photos taken from someone else’s real social media account, a modeling site, or a stock photo library. The person in the pictures is usually attractive, often in a uniform, a business suit, or an outdoor adventure photo, and the profile reads like it was written to appeal to as many people as possible.
According to the FTC’s Data Spotlight on romance scams, 19 percent of people who lost money to a romance scam said the contact started on a dating website or app, while 40 percent said it started on social media. Either way, a stolen photo is one of the easiest things to check.
Try this
Save the profile photo to your phone or computer, then go to Google Images and use the camera icon to search by image. If the same face shows up under a different name, on a stock photo site, or attached to a news story, the profile in front of you is very likely fake.
Plain talk: catfishing
Catfishing means creating a fake online identity, often with stolen photos, to trick someone into a relationship. A romance scam is catfishing with a money motive added on top.
Other profile clues worth noticing:
- Very few photos, or photos that all look professionally taken
- A bio that is short, generic, or has grammar that does not match the claimed background
- A profile created recently, with little activity or few connections
- Claims of an unusually impressive job (surgeon, engineer on an oil rig, military officer) that would explain later excuses for being unreachable
Red Flag 2: They Say “I Love You” Within Days
Scammers move fast on purpose. A real relationship almost always takes weeks or months to develop trust. A scammer, on the other hand, often tells you they love you, that you are their soulmate, or that they have never connected with anyone like this before, sometimes after only a handful of messages.
The FTC’s guide on romance scams describes scammers who “build up trust” by talking or chatting with a target several times a day. That constant attention feels flattering, and that is the point. It is designed to make you feel close to someone before your judgment has a chance to catch up.
If someone you matched with this week is already talking about a future together, treat the pace itself as the warning sign, not just the words.
Red Flag 3: They Always Have an Excuse to Avoid a Video Call
This is one of the clearest tells on a dating app, because it is easy to test. Ask to do a short video call early on, and pay attention to how the other person reacts.
A real match will usually agree, even if they need to schedule it for a specific time. A scammer will almost always have a reason to put it off: a broken camera, a bad internet connection in a remote location, being deployed overseas, working on an offshore oil rig, or being camera shy. The excuses often repeat, and they rarely resolve, even weeks later.
Say this
“I’d love to do a quick video call before we talk much more. Are you free sometime this week?” A genuine match will work with you to find a time. Someone who keeps changing the subject or offering a new excuse is telling you something important.
Safety tip
Never rely on a phone call alone as proof someone is who they claim to be. Voices can be different from a photo, and a call gives no visual confirmation. A live video call, where you ask them to do something on the spot such as wave or say the date out loud, is a far better test.
If your parent or another older relative struggles with video calling itself, our guide on video calling grandkids on FaceTime, Zoom, and WhatsApp walks through the basics, which also makes it easier to ask a new match to hop on camera.
Red Flag 4: Eventually, They Ask for Money
This is the step every romance scam is built around. It might not happen in the first week. Scammers often wait until real trust has formed, then introduce a problem that only money can fix.
| Common story | What they ask for |
|---|---|
| Medical emergency or surgery | Wire transfer or gift cards |
| Travel to finally meet you | Money for a plane ticket or visa |
| Customs fee on a gift they “shipped” | Prepaid cards or cash |
| A can’t-miss investment | Cryptocurrency |
Losses add up fast once money starts moving. The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center recorded more than 17,800 romance scam complaints in 2023, with reported losses over $652 million, in its 2023 Internet Crime Report. The FTC’s Data Spotlight put the median reported loss at $4,400 per person.
Safety tip
Never send money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency to someone you have not met in person, no matter how urgent the story sounds or how long you have been talking. Our guide on gift cards, bitcoin ATMs, and cash couriers covers these payment methods in more detail, since scammers of every kind rely on them.
If you want a simple way to keep these payment red flags in front of you, our Scam-Stopper Kit (free when you join our email letter) includes a printable checklist you can keep by the phone or computer.
Common Lies Romance Scammers Tell on Dating Apps
The same handful of stories show up over and over. The FTC’s Data Spotlight found these among the most common excuses scammers use to explain why they cannot meet in person or need money:
- Currently deployed overseas with the military
- Working on an offshore oil rig
- A doctor or engineer on a contract in another country
- Recently widowed, raising a child alone
- A promising cryptocurrency opportunity they want to share with you
None of these are automatically a scam on their own. Real people do have these jobs and life stories. What matters is the combination: a story that conveniently explains why they can never video call, meet, or verify who they are, paired with growing requests involving money.
What To Do If You Notice These Warning Signs
- Stop sending any money, gift cards, or account details right away.
- Do a reverse image search on their profile photos.
- Ask for a live video call and see how they respond.
- Tell a family member or friend about the relationship and let them look at the messages.
- Report the profile to the dating app itself, using its in-app report or block feature.
- Report the scam to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov.
- Block the person’s number and profile once you have reported it.
Say this
If you need to end contact, you do not owe an explanation. A short message is enough: “I’m not comfortable continuing this. Please don’t contact me again.” Then block and report.
For a full walk-through of who to contact and in what order, see our guide on where to report a scam.
If You Have Already Sent Money or Shared Information
If money has already changed hands, act quickly rather than feeling embarrassed into silence. Contact your bank or card company immediately to ask about reversing the payment or flagging the account. Save every message, payment receipt, and screenshot of the profile before you block anyone, since these records help when you file a report.
If you shared personal information such as your address, date of birth, or any account numbers, our guide on freezing your credit after a scam explains the next steps to protect your identity.
Where to Go From Here
Romance scams on dating apps rely on speed and isolation: a fast connection, constant attention, and a story that keeps you from asking too many questions. Slowing down, asking for a video call, and talking it over with someone you trust are usually enough to stop a scam before it costs you anything. For a wider look at protecting yourself and older family members from scams of every kind, take a look at our book Scam-Proof.
